Wilbur Avataria is a good soccer player. He's been in touch with a dozen or so college coaches, visited a handful of those schools, and scored a stunning goal at Dallas Cup. Recruiting is moving along pretty well for him. But there's one glaring exception: he has no idea how serious any of these coaches are about having him on their teams.

What Wilbur needs is some honesty. The college athletic recruiting game is tricky, with players and coaches alike trying to be coy. In most cases, coaches aren't eager to tip their hand. They don't want to be completely honest; they won't volunteer the most crucial information. You have to ask for it.

Yes, he's sent them a profile, a copy of his transcript, and a video. He's visited their campuses, watched practices, and stayed with players. And he's gotten the coaches to see him play. It really seems like he's actually being recruited. (He text messaged his teammate the other day: "omg! it's happening!!! ttyl")

The problem? Despite the strides he's made, his status is still largely unclear. For all he knows, there could be 50 other players in the exact same position - and in fact, there probably are. College coaches maintain massive databases that contain up to 1,000 players. Gradually, coaches pick up information about the players in their database and then try to make well-reasoned judgments about who's right for their team.

Some players like Wilbur do everything right - they provide coaches with transcripts, schedules, videos, recommendations, etc. - but then fail to ask The Question: "Where do I stand?" The answer to this question is the only thing that really matters in recruiting. It lets you know whether you should continue your recruiting efforts with a given school or look elsewhere.

Doing the legwork to get to a college coach to know enough about you to make a well-reasoned judgment is essential. But once this has been accomplished, you must ask the college coach for an honest assessment. This information is invaluable; knowing where you stand with each college will help guide you through the rest of the recruiting process.

Before you go practice on your little brother, remember that The Question isn't meant to be an interrogation. You don't want to back the college coach into a corner with aggressive questioning. No less, the coach has the responsibility to provide you with an honest answer.

Here are four responses you might hear:

1. Join Us! In the best case scenario, the coach will tell you that he'd really like you to come play for his team. Would he have volunteered this information had you not asked? Who knows? The point is, asking The Question got you the answer you needed.
2. Uh, Sorry. There's always the possibility that you'll hear something like, "We don't feel like you're a good fit for our team." Ouch. It may sting, but getting this sort of honest response, painful as it may be, is actually a good thing. It lets you focus on the schools that are interested.
3. More Info Needed. Another response you may hear is, "We need to see you play more before we make a decision." This is great because it helps you plan your next steps. Ask what tournaments and camps he's going to be attending and then find a way to get to one of those events.
4. Ambiguous Blah. You may also get an ambiguous response along the lines of, "We think you can contribute." Don't be afraid to learn other questions to ask college coaches like, "What exactly does that mean?" The coach may still not be forthcoming, which is why it's essential for you to communicate with coaches at multiple schools. If things fall through in one place or are too ambiguous for comfort, you always have other warm leads.

No matter how the conversation goes, you should feel good about yourself for taking charge and asking the tough question. The best player-college coach relationships are built on honesty and respect. By being forthright about your interest and asking the coach to do the same, you're setting the right precedent.

Don't expect coaches to come banging down your door. If they do, great. Yet there are numerous factors that limit the scope of college coaches' recruiting, including money, time, geography, and a dizzying number of potential players.

Faced with college coaches' recruiting limitations, it's up to you to be assertive and get your name out there:

• Have some conversations with your current coaches about what they think is the right college level for you. You can also ask them if there are specific colleges that they recommend.


• Talk to players you know who have gone on to play college soccer. What do they think is right for you?


• Start thinking about what you really want out of your overall college experience.


• Enlist your parents' help in working through this book.


• Dedicate yourself to finding and securing the right environment. An investment of your time and energy now will pay off down the road.


• Embark on NCAA unofficial visits, or if you have the chance, NCAA official visits.

5 tips for communicating with college coaches:

• Write a cover letter and resume introducing yourself to college coaches


• Follow up on your cover letter and resume; don't be deterred if you don't hear back from coaches


• Send a schedule of your games and tournaments to college coaches


• Provide regular updates and progress reports -- maintain monthly contact with each coach
• Make a highlights video

There is much more to know about contacting college coaches.

What should I do in contacting college coaches, how do I approach them. Letter, e-mail? - Sean S.

Good question, Sean. The best thing to do is a blend of emails and phone calls. A snail mail sports resume and cover letter can't hurt, but it's just as good to do it over the computer. In the sample emails that we give CaptainU Online Guidance users, we always emphasize the importance of specific details. In other words, how do you stand out from the crowd? When you communicate with college coaches, give them a cool, unforgettable nugget of information about you as a high school athlete to remember you by. An example? My team went skiing in the Andes last week. Notice that it doesn't always have to be about your sport (unless you're a college-bound skier.)

I got a call from the coach at ________ University and I kind of froze up on the phone. I didn't really know what to say and I feel like the conversation didn't go well at all. What should I do? - Aubrey

Before you start to analyze how the call went, give yourself a pat on the back for getting this far. Getting a call from a college coach is a real accomplishment.

Done. Now let's have some constructive criticism. In all likelihood it wasn't as bad as you thought. Even if it was, you probably didn't hurt your chances. The coach has probably had hundreds of phone calls like this. It's also more than likely that he has gone on to coach players with whom he's had conversations like this.

If you want to patch things up, give him a call in a couple of weeks and have a list of things you want to talk about to keep the conversation with the college coach flowing. These don't all have to be about recruiting, the team, or your latest accomplishments. You can literally talk about the weather, recent games that you've seen on tv, your favorite flavor of ice cream. It's all good.

That's how you can smooth over the call you just had. But how can you avoid this situation in the future? The answer is to be prepared. Have a list of talking points and questions by the phone. That way you'll be ready next time it rings.

Learn more about college sports recruitment and how college recruiting services can help you.

5 tips for making your recruiting decisions:

• Decide which schools you're going to apply to


• Inform college coaches that you've applied to their schools


• Notify coaches when you've been accepted


• Weigh your options; compare and contrast the qualities of each school.


• Consider the different soccer scholarships you've been offered


• Make a commitment - in some cases a verbal commitment and/or a letter of intent

The phone rings and it's a number you don't recognize. "Hello?"

"Hi Pat, this is Coach Sartuna at College of XYZ. How are you doing today?"

"Fine." Your heart is suddenly pounding.

"What's going on these days?

"Not much."

"Are you playing a lot."

"Yeah, as much as I can."

"How are you feeling about College of XYZ these days?"

"I like it."

"Okay...well, do you have any questions about it, the team, me, anything???"

"No."

"Okay, well let me know if you do. I wanted to let you know that we're real interested in having you come here. Let's be in touch soon, okay? Talk to you later."

If reading this conversation was anywhere near as painful as writing it, then you now know what it's like for college coaches to call athletes. More often than not, when a coach calls, the conversation turns into something that you would more typically see in a courtroom: "Yes, your honor. No, your honor."

Let's face it, when a coach calls you, it can be overwhelming. You're on the spot! Ack! How do you know if you're saying the right things? Here's the simple fact: don't worry about it. Just have a normal conversation; coaches are people too. They love it when athletes are actively involved in conversations on the phone.

Show your interest and enthusiasm for their school. The best way to do this is to ask questions. This gets college coaches talking and improves the flow of the conversation. In fact, it's not a bad idea to write a list of questions out and just have it sitting by the phone in case you get a call.

Phone calls are an important part of building relationships with college coaches, which is something that we emphasize on CaptainU. Coaches aren't necessarily going to call you, but if they do, you should be ready. Practice with your parents, which can be an amusing exercise. Most importantly, be ready to have a normal conversation. Talk about the weather, something that you've been following in the news, your favorite sports team, a movie you just saw, or a new song you just downloaded. Your conversation doesn't have to be about recruiting. But it has to be about something, or else it's just a wasted opportunity.